Exam Season Advice for Parents: 25 Years of Lessons

Every spring, the same questions arrive in clinic. Why won't my teenager revise? How many hours should they be doing? Should I push harder or back off? After 25 years of supporting young people through formal exams, Dr Tara Porter, Clinical Psychologist at Central Health London, has some answers. They are not always the ones parents expect.

1) Parents do not control their child’s outcome.

You cannot bribe or scare your child into successful work; you may be able to nag them to sit at their desk but their success or failure depends on a whole heap of factors including their intrinsic motivation, their mental wellbeing, their skill in the subject, their memory capacity and a whole heap of luck.

2) Some teenagers need to do more work, but some need to do less.

Every year in my clinics there are some children who negatively impact their exam performance (not to mention their mental health) by working too hard early on. They peak too early and are completely bored and unmotivated by end of May. Or they burn out and just feel anxious or depressed. They might end up having a panic attack in an exam, or something similar. As a parent you should be mindful of overwork in some children, and encourage them to take breaks, have some down time and pace themselves.

3) Mocks are a different skill set than the real thing.

Mocks tend to be many exams over a week or 10 days: that is about some planning and a lot of cramming. The formal exam period is 5-6 weeks, and that is a different skill set. That is about them pacing themselves and stamina- consistently working reasonably hard over months.

4) The biggest mistake I see is a plan that involves working very long hours.

Why? Because it is so unappealing and fear inducing it makes them procrastinate and avoid work all together. They end up panic learning for a few hours at the end of the day, or staying up too late to do the work and being too tired the next day. It is better to plan to work a palatable number of hours with breaks and then having some downtime, rather than planning to do 8-10 hours but actually then spending hours doom-scrolling.

5) There are only so many hours a day when they can absorb information.

When I talk to young people there is generally a tipping point in revision where they stop being able to actually learn and remember the information. Sometimes they carry on anyway out of a sense of fear or performatively, eg making revision cards or summarising notes but not actually learning anything. I reckon the optimum number of hours for constructive learning is 4-6 hours a day.

6) Anxiety and overwhelm can spark avoid or control strategies. Neither tend to be helpful.

Many children who are acting cool, and like they don’t care, are actually terrified, but using a strategy of denial or avoidance. They can’t face the work because that means sitting with their fear. Trying to scare them into work is rarely helpful as it just perpetuates this cycle. Trying to understand what is going on for them tends to work better. That involves listening and not nagging.

The controllers tend to overwork, and parents can feel relieved and proud. However, control doesn’t always work – it can be a strategy which leads to burnout, panic, and running out of time (as things need to be done perfectly). These are often the children who need to work less – to be encouraged to take breaks and stop work.

7) Your best strategy as a parent is to try and spark their intrinsic motivation.

Doing that involves you accepting the limits of your power and control in them getting their grades, and being neutral in that. With that neutrality you then can ask them what their revision plan is and how you can support them. They might not want any support except the provision of snacks! The avoiders sometimes want you to help organise or structure their work or to sit nearby to help them feel calmer. Or they might want you very involved in the content, although again in the long term this tends to be an unhelpful strategy as it makes you too involved in their success or failure.

It is also worth kindly thinking with them about what their plan b is if they don’t get their grades. As a parent it is best to believe it is going to be OK whatever happens- academic and career paths are long, and go up and down. No-one gets through without some backward steps and disappointments. There are always other paths and second chances. For a young person, knowing that there are other options generally reduces the terror and helps young people to face the work.

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FAQ

How many hours a day should a teenager revise?

Between four and six hours of genuine, focused revision is a realistic and effective daily target for most teenagers. Beyond that, the ability to absorb and retain new information drops significantly. A shorter plan that is actually followed will produce better results than a long plan that leads to avoidance and late-night panic sessions.

What should I do if my teenager is refusing to revise at all?

Avoidance is usually a sign of anxiety, not laziness. Rather than applying more pressure, try to understand what is going on for them. Ask calm, open questions. Listen without immediately offering solutions or warnings. For some young people, having a parent help them structure their time or sit nearby can reduce the anxiety enough to get started. If the avoidance is severe or persistent, a consultation with a clinical psychologist can help.

Can working too hard actually damage exam performance?

Yes. Teenagers who work very long hours too early in the revision period often peak before the real exams arrive. By late May they are bored, demotivated, or burnt out. Some develop anxiety or low mood serious enough to affect their performance in the exam hall. Pacing, rest, and sustainable effort across the full season matter as much as total hours.

How are mocks different from the real exam season?

Mocks are typically compressed into one to two weeks and reward short-term cramming. The formal exam season lasts five to six weeks and requires stamina, consistency, and the ability to pace effort over a longer period. Young people who only practise the intensive short sprint are often underprepared for the sustained demand of the real thing.

What if my teenager seems completely unbothered by their exams?

Apparent indifference is often a coping strategy for fear rather than genuine calm. Avoidance and denial allow a young person to manage anxiety without confronting it directly. Trying to frighten them into action tends to deepen this pattern. A more effective approach is to stay curious rather than critical, and to make it clear that you are on their side regardless of the outcome.

What is the single most helpful thing a parent can do during exam season?

Accept, genuinely and visibly, that you cannot control the outcome. Teenagers are acutely sensitive to parental anxiety and pressure, and it adds to their own. When a parent can be honestly calm and neutral about results, it creates space for the teenager to connect with their own motivation. That intrinsic motivation, more than any revision timetable or incentive, is what drives real effort.

If you are concerned about your teenager's mental health or wellbeing during exam season, our clinical psychologists at Central Health London are here to help.